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When Insults had Class

When Insults Had Class    These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d poison your tea.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”  – Winston Churchill“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” –  Oscar Wilde“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” –  Mae West “Some  cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” –  Groucho Marx